Februari 14th

In December morning, where the day begun, night passed, and the sun rose to give life to all of in the world, many people did their activity as usual whereas I still sat in wheel chair while imagining bad previous event. It would be very beautiful, if the accident didn’t happen to me. The accident in a few years ago brought me to the pretend happiness.
Every day I sit in front of computer, tried to type. Typing something was interesting around me and also tried to forget the accident which made me sick deeply. But the event was always in my mind.
One day I tried bravely to look backward and began writing my bad previous experience although it is very difficult. While writing, I felt my head ached till I felt asleep in the wheel chair.

***
In the end of June afternoon, the situation in Bandung was very nice. I was being in the school for preparing for celebration of graduating. Actually I wanted to reveal my feeling to her now because I loved her so much but I couldn’t tell her about my feeling because I was shy and not brave. I was afraid, if I told she would hate me. I better saved my feeling until graduating from Senior High School. There were no people which knew my secret, only Lily, Eren’s friend, who knew my feeling to her.
“Ly, do you know that I love her so much?” I cried. “Who is that?” asked Lily. “Your friend, Erena Wijaya”, “Why don’t you reveal your feeling, I believe you can say it” She forced. “I can’t”. “Degin, you never know if you never try” She gave spirit. “Yes, I will but not now, may be later”
***
After along day, I didn’t meet Eren again. I continued my life without her, beautiful Eren.
I worked in one of traveling companies in Jakarta. Before that I continued my study in one of universities in Bandung with Lily. I didn’t know where Eren continued her study and Lily too. But Lily didn’t get the same job with me and different company.
I worked in company which is belonged Mr. Wijaya Kusuma, great company. One day, I was ordered to give paper to the director. But when I wanted to enter the room, I saw a woman came out but I didn’t see her face. She was strange for me because I just had ever seen her. I entered the room to cede the paper with curious still. After that I said in my heart, “Who is the woman? She is very beautiful” while closing the door to go out.
After meeting in the director’s room, I didn’t meet her again. But when lunch time, in the chair of canteen, I found a wallet and I thought its woman wallet because the color was pink. I didn’t think much, saved the wallet and continued eating. After going home, I had planned to bring back the wallet to the address which was in the id card.
“Huge and luxurious house….” It was my statement when the first time I saw the house. I pressed the bell and the security came out. I said that I wanted to meet with Luci. “You mean Mrs. Luciana” He completed. “Yes, I mean it.” I justified. From the gate I must walk first to reach the door because between gate and door was so far. I knocked the door, “excuse me….any body home??” while looking around. The old woman (could be called grandma because she was very old) opened the door and asked politely, “Can I help you?” I directly turned and looked to the old woman. From the manner of she got dress, I knew that she was a servant. “I am Degin, is there Mrs. Luciana?” I introduced. “Yes, she is at home today” she asked me to come in. “You can sit down first, I want to call her, wait a moment” while leaving me in the living room.
I stood up when the owner of the house came. “I’m Degin, are you Mrs. Luciana?” I asked. “Yes, I am.” “I find your wallet in chair of canteen in my work” I explained. “Oh my God…thank you, I have found everywhere but I don’t know where the wallet is lost, because I think that the wallet is lost at home.” Told her happily. The servant came with bringing some glasses of drinks. When I took the drink, the young man approached us. I looked up him and he was very familiar for me. “Mr. Wijaya?” I unbelievably surprised. I directly shake my hand. “So, she is your wife” I convince. “Yes, she is, how can you be here?” “I find your wife’s wallet in canteen when I have lunch” I retold. “So, you are my husband’s employee” his wife added. We laughed and began chewing up. I felt they were so friendly. It made me comfortable could be around them.
In the middle of talking, “Mom….I am coming” The girl shouted from outside. I still sat without caring because the shout came from behind me. “Oh my dear…come here, let me introduce you to our guest” Walked receiving her arrival.
The girl approached but I had not still looked at her. When I saw her face, it brought my previous feeling came back again. I didn’t say anything. As if my heart stopped ticking, my blood stopped circulating, my mind stopped thinking, my muscle was rigid and I was like a sculpture. I found something which had been lost. “Ehm…Degin,” The voice brought me back to the real life. “You are Degin” She convinced. I was still speechless. “Are you OK??” “Oh, yes I’m OK”. I tried to liquefy the situation. “Hi Eren, How are you?” I stood up to accost her and gave my hand but actually I was very nervous when facing with her.
Her parents looked each other, amazed. “You have known him” Her mom asked. “Yes, he is my friend when I am in Snior High School” She answered. But suddenly, “Hahahaha……” Laughed her father. “It’s so funny, I meet you here whereas you don’t know my house, right? And actually you are my employee and now you meet with my daughter and also she is your friend in Senior High School” laughed cheerily. “It’s caused your wallet, mom” He added. “And also because of your senility, right? She added. We laughed.
“Are you someone who is in the director’s room this morning?” I asked. “You mean my father’s room, yes this morning I visit my father’s office” She answered friendly. “why??” “Nothing,,, I just convince because when you exit I enter the room actually I see you but I don’t know that it’s you, may be if I have seen you at that time I would have known you now” I laughed.

***
Now I had nice days. I always showed semicircle in my lip to the other. It was expression that I was extremely happy. Now, I knew where my adoration was. Although I didn’t see her everyday but at least I knew her condition now. I often met her and sometime if I had leisure time I asked her to have lunch or dinner with me. She never refused. From that, I began giving her more attention and she also responded. Next days, I often asked her to go out, like watching movie, having dinner, and traveling. One day, when she and I were in the park I said something about my heart. The situation changed to be cool, the wind breezed, we sat in the park’s seat while she was leaning her head in my shoulder. “Ellen I wanna say something to you” I destroyed the cool. “What is it?” She gazed my eye with still leaning. “Do you know when I am in Senior High School, I love you so much but I cannot tell my feeling to you”. “Don’t you know that I also love you, actually at that time I am waiting for you to declare it because I also know that you love me.” She abdicated her leaning and faced to me. “Are you sure” I didn’t believe. My lip directly touched her forehead as proof that I loved her so much. Now I knew that she also loved me.
***
After several months we were together, I remembered that her birthday was next month that coincided with Valentine’s Day, 14th February. I wanted in her birthday I could give her something special and had impressions that couldn’t be forgotten. From now, I thought what I should do in her birthday. I didn’t want to make her disappointed.
Even the day came, I had already prepared all of the surprise. I would ask her to have dinner with me at midnight in the beautiful park where it was the place when the first time I explained my feeling to her. I changed the place into romantic place with many candles and lamplight. And also I would give her the ring.
I had been already to pick her up. When I arrived in her house at 11.30 pm I phoned her. “Hallo my darling,,,I have been in front of your house, please downstairs now, I wait for you here” I directly turned off the phone but actually she was still confuse and shocked. I got the gate was opened and I could see her face when she woke up from her sleeping, she was beautiful still with her nightgown. “Please follow me now” I still sat in my motor cycle without disembarrassing my helmet. “Where will we go? You are very strange, as you see it has been midnight” Grumbled her. “I still wear night__” I cut her sentence with touching her lip with my forefinger while murmuring, “Please ride with me now and take it.” I gave her a jacket because the air was very cool.
She rode lazily and sleepy but she still looked cute. I could catch her expression in rear view. I rode my motor cycle more quickly. We were silent without words along the way. But suddenly, “Where do we go?” She asked with hugging me. “I wanna ask you to the park” still riding. “What for?” I didn’t answer.
The air was very cool, the way was very dark, and I rode motor cycle very fast. She hugged me more tightly, actually I knew that she was afraid but she didn’t say anything.
Suddenly I felt my head ached and my stomach was queasy but I didn’t want Eren to know and I still rode my motor cycle. I remembered that I had not eaten lunch till now. So, it caused me catch a cold. When I got a turn, my hand couldn’t have held the handle and my feet were limp. I couldn’t manage my self till I couldn’t see anything. Everything was dark but I tried to survive. Suddenly without my knowledge, there was a deep hole in the way. Because I didn’t see, I stepped on the hole till Eren shouted, “Degin watch out…..!!! I directly darted off to the mid way and Eren glanced-off to the sidewalk till her head striked brim of asphalt. Everything was darker than before and in my mind I just remembered Eren and Eren. She was far with me till I couldn’t grip her hand till I closed my eye. I was unconscious.
The beautiful place that I have prepared for candle light dinner in her birthday was gone. The candles had melted, the park was dark, and the ring which would be given to her was in my pocket still.
***
I got my self in a room which had smell of medicine. I didn’t like it. The first that I said, “Eren…where is Eren?” I had not been already conscious. Actually when I opened my eye, my head still ached. I saw my mom get complicated feeling between worry, happy, and afraid. I could see many people around me like my sister Nina, my parents and also my younger brother Delfa but I didn’t see Eren. Instead I saw someone who was familiar for me. She was my old friend, Lily. “Eren is fine, don’t worry” She approached me. “She is in different hospital” while facing me to calm. When I wanted to lean, I felt something different with my feet. “What happens with my feet, I couldn’t feel anything” I directly wanted to go down from the bed to know what happened actually but I couldn’t. My mom cried.
“What happens with my feet mom, what happens?” I was angry. My mom twined me. “You must be patient my dear” while falling down the tear. They cried. I got palsied.
***
I didn’t have any spirit to live. I had not met Eren for along time and I lost my feet and also my work. Fourteenth February should be nice day for me and Eren but in fact it was contrariwise. I thought that Eren had leaved me forever because of my feet that couldn’t walk again. At that time I hated but I loved her.
I had not met with Lily since I graduated from university and now she came when I was alone and hidden. I didn’t know how she knew that I got accident. She took care of me as long as I was in hospital and also at home. Because of I couldn’t walk and just sat in wheel chair, she always gave me more attention till I could forget Eren a little bit but she was in my heart forever.
One day, when I was sitting in wheel chair in the living room, Lily came. We talked anything till she said,”I will be very lucky if I can live with you forever” It made me silent at the moment. “Why do you say like that, I am palsied” condescendingly. “Because I have been loving you since we are in Senior High School, I will accept even what you are like, will you marry me?” She convinced. Actually I was shocked because I didn’t really love her, my love just for Eren but I couldn’t refuse because she was very kind to me. “Yes, I will” I smiled and nodded. “May be this ring is more suitable for you” I gave the ring which actually I wanted to give to Eren in her birthday.
***
When I opened my eye I had a sore throat. I had dozed off for a few hours in wheel chair. I recollected what happened in my sleep till I could dream all of my past experience. “You have slept for a few hours” My wife came with bringing a cup of tea. “What are you writing?” sat beside me. “Nothing…” While taking the tea. “I know what you are writing because I have read when you are sleeping, I’m sorry before” gazing me. “May be till now you don’t know where Eren is.” The situation changed more convulsively. I gazed her with full of questions to catch what she meant. “I will tell you about Eren…At that time I know that you get accident from Eren’s parents, Eren is taken care in different hospital because she gets serious condition in her head till she is brought to France by her parents to get more medication, and after along time her parents tell me that she gets amnesia, her parents choose to stay there first till she is heal over.” She told carefully and I cried.
Actually I wanted to say that I wanted to meet with Eren but I didn’t want to hurt my wife, Lily. I gazed her face, “Please don’t leave me, I don’t want to be leaved again” I hugged her.